Carol Queen, sexologist and sex activist, refers to anal play as the great equalizer. She points out that the bum, the anus, the rectum, even the sphincter muscles, can be sites of immense physical and psychological pleasure, and that this pleasure is open to all, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
For years women, gay and bisexual men, and all manner of kinky folk have explored anal play and thrilled to the potential of this kind of sex. And now, after many years in the closet, straight men are coming out and reclaiming their birth right to explore anal pleasure.
When I first started working in sex stores, there were straight couples who would come in to buy dildos and harnesses to explore male anal penetration. But they were few and far between, and the guy would stand in the opposite corner, nervously watching to see what his partner was buying for him. These days there are books, educational videos, and even toy kits devoted to BOB, and while it can still be nerve wracking at first, guys are warming up to it.
Being penetrated can be a profound emotional, psychological, and spiritual experience. It can also be a lot of breezy fun without deeper meaning. It is what you make it, and you need to find out how it feels best for you if you are interested in giving it a try. Whether you are a guy wanting to be penetrated, or a woman who is interested in flipping the table and being on the other end of the cock, here are some things to consider as you explore.
Get Used to Talking About Sex, You’ll Be Doing Lots More Talking
Any sort of anal play requires tremendous trust and a lot of communication. If you’re interested in checking this out, bring it up and see how your partner feels about it. Choose your time wisely, and be prepared for some hesitation at first. There is an element of role reversal and gender play with BOB, and people can have unexpected reactions at first.
Explore on your Own
If you’re a guy who wants to be penetrated, get comfortable with anal play on your own. You don’t need months of practice before you get a partner involved, but if you’ve never been down that road, check out what’s going on. Get acquainted with your anatomy, and start to incorporate anal pleasure into your masturbation. You’ll be in a better position (no pun intended) to tell your partner what you like and what you don’t if you’ve done a bit of homework beforehand.
Play Together Without Toys
Generally when people talk about BOB they think of a woman strapping on a dildo and lovingly giving it to her fella. Strap on sex can be awesome. But start slow, and with your own body (fingers, etc…). Get some latex gloves and a good quality lubricant and explore with your and your partners fingers. There can be a lot of mystery around anal play, particularly for men, so take some time to get comfortable before you introduce toys.
For some of us, this is almost as much fun as the play. If you’ve got a local sex store nearby, take a trip in and check out your options. There are several things to consider when buying a harness and dildo. If you don’t have a store near you, there are plenty of excellent online sex toy retailers that carry hundreds of different dildos and harnesses to suit everyone’s tastes. Email an online retailer you like and ask a few questions. The bestselling educational title Bend Over Boyfriend also has many great shopping tips.
Strap It On
If you’re doing the penetrating, make sure you feel comfortable and in control with your harness and dildo. Practice putting it on and taking it off on your own. You might want to wear your harness and dildo around the house for a while to get a feel for it. Learning to use your hips and/or lower back, your upper legs, and other parts of your body to penetrate your partner can take some time, but the practice can sometimes be the best part.
Safer Strap-on Sex
As with every kind of sex play, give some thought to how BOB play can be safe and fun for both of you. All the regular rules about anal safety apply here. Make sure you clean your toys properly, and most importantly keep talking before, after, and during sex, to make sure that what you’re doing feels good for both of you.
Taking it Deeper with Gender and Role Play
Beyond male anal pleasure, there is a lot to explore in the area of role reversals with BOB. For both partners turning the tables can be a whole new world. It’s a chance to explore the ways you feel masculine and feminine, bottom and top. It’s a chance to attend to your partner in a completely different way. The fact is that in mainstream Western culture “sex” still means man-on-top-penis-in-vagina-over-in-four-and-a-half-minutes sex. Bend Over Boyfriend is a radical sex act, and it comes with deep potential for growth and really hot sex!